


Halfway Love

by Lanyonn



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nipple Play, One Shot, Oral Sex, Relationship(s), Smut, banghim, slight romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:13:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6601678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanyonn/pseuds/Lanyonn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Himchan doesn’t think he wants anything more from it than the sex and easy friendship. Yongguk is okay with whatever he can bring to the table. There are two of them after all. They can always meet halfway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halfway Love

 

**Halfway Love**

 

Himchan isn’t sure but he thinks it is must be way past midnight. He has tried fixing the bedside digital clock a few times but to no avail – he definitely needs to get a new one soon. He glances towards the screen door and wonders if he is too hot. The temperature has almost been hitting thirty degrees and combined with the oppressive humidity, it has been one of the worst summers of Himchan’s life. But it hasn’t rained in three days and tonight isn’t so bad. So, no, he thinks, it mustn’t be the heat. Maybe he’s just hungry. He scratches a nail through the fine line of hair on his bare stomach. However, he doesn’t feel hungry, either.

 

Still exhausted and sleepless, Himchan gets out of the bed, careful not to disturb Yongguk who is fast asleep next to him. He grabs his jeans from the floor and rummages the pockets for the pack of cigarettes and the BIC lighter before heading out to the balcony, leaving the screen door half open behind him.

 

As he sits against the wall, looking down at the empty street through the railing bars, Yongguk comes out into the balcony as well, pulling up his boxers and yawning. His hair is mussed and Himchan thinks how he prefers it a little longer because he can grasp onto the rough strands when they fuck. But it is a hot summer and he suspects that Yongguk will soon his barber a visit and go back to his closely cropped style.

 

Himchan exhales slowly as Yongguk sits down next to him. The air is thick with the scent of the tobacco and cloves from his flavoured cigarettes. He watches the tip of the black stick burn bright orange and he can feel Yongguk’s eyes on it, too, mesmerized by the unnaturally bright speck of colour in the dark night.

 

Yongguk doesn’t ask him what he is doing out here. That’s one of the reasons that Himchan has stuck with Yongguk so long. It had been a usual Sunday night for them. Yongguk had come over to his place and they had taken a walk down to the bridge. They had hung around the bridge talking about football and politics and sometimes something completely out of the blue like Pokémon cards. They had some tteokbokki for dinner on the way back and then Yongguk had pressed Himchan against the door as soon as they got back to his apartment and then sucked him off till he was near the edge. Himchan had cursed at him and tugged his hair roughly when he had pulled off but Yongguk had just laughed him off and pulled his hands away from his hair. Once they had stripped down completely, Yongguk had taken Himchan’s aching erection in his hand and jerked him to completion. Himchan had stayed on his stomach as Yongguk had wedged his own hard shaft between his thighs and thrust between those long muscled limbs, pressing into his balls from behind. Himchan had let him come all over his thighs and ass and then made him clean him up properly before letting Yongguk get to sleep.

 

Unlike Himchan, Yongguk is still a student. He insists that he is a teacher’s assistant and that is something completely different from being a university student but for all Himchan cares, he might be one or the other. Yongguk had finished his military service before going to university. Himchan, on the other hand, has been putting it off as much as he can.

 

Yongguk needs to wake up early on Monday mornings so Himchan stubs out his cigarette and then says that they should be heading back to bed. Yongguk looks up at him. “There’s really no hurry,” he says as he gets up. Himchan defers replying as a bout of coughing seizes him and goes into the bathroom to clean out his throat.

 

He must have fallen into a deep sleep when he got into bed after that because the space next to him is empty. Yongguk has already left for his classes. Himchan picks up the wrinkled note he has wedged between the bed and the mattress – “Got early lab today. Have a good day” – and smiles wryly. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know that Yongguk has ‘early lab’ every Monday morning. He doesn’t quite know what Yongguk is studying except that is something quite smart and scientific. Sometimes Himchan wonders what a guy like Yongguk is doing with a guy like him.

 

On Tuesday evening, Yongguk breaks pattern and pays Himchan a visit even though it is not Sunday evening. Himchan is just back from his shift at the supermarket and has not even taken a shower.

 

“I’ll wait,” says Yongguk, glances around Himchan’s tiny living room and sits down on the couch. “Your shift ran late today, huh?”

 

Himchan is a little disconcerted to find out that Yongguk knows what shifts he works at the supermarket on Tuesdays. Had he mentioned it to him before? He probably had. Himchan can’t possibly remember everything he has and hasn’t told Yongguk but that doesn’t stop him from feeling a little queasy about it.

 

They walk down to the bridge like they usually do but the conversation doesn’t flow freely and Himchan spends more time looking at the shops that are open because it is not Sunday evening. There are many more passers-by on the bridge as well and Himchan stands stiffly, too aware of the people around them. “Do you want to head back?” asks Yongguk even though they barely got there five minutes ago.

 

“Yeah,” replies Himchan, already turning in the direction of his place, “that’s a good idea.”

 

He is so relieved to be finally back inside his home again that he takes Yongguk by his neck and presses their lips together in a rough, biting kiss. Yongguk cups his butt through his jeans and fondles it roughly as he walks them back towards the bedroom even as they keep kissing.

 

“Get out of your clothes,” Himchan tells him hoarsely as he starts peeling off his t-shirt and jeans. Yongguk is as quick to undress as him and they kiss again as they fall into the bed together.

 

Yongguk tries to move him onto his back but Himchan says that he wants to blow Yongguk first. Yongguk gives him a queer little smile and lies back against the pillows. Himchan is feeling so hot and bothered that at first, he just wants to get on with it, put his mouth straight to Yongguk’s half-hard cock and heavy sac and get down to business. But Yongguk has a hand on the back of his neck, his fingers stroking and caressing Himchan’s spine and he slows down a little. Pushing a hand between Yongguk’s thighs, Himchan pushes them apart and weighs his sac in one hand as he lowers his mouth to a pert nipple.

 

“Fuck,” Yongguk breathes out, his deep voice going up an octave, “do that again.” Himchan glances up at Yongguk’s face – it is covered with a light sheen of sweat, his lips slightly parted and eyes falling shut as he breathes heavily. It is weird that they have been sleeping together for months now but Himchan hasn’t realised till tonight that Yongguk has this sort of reaction to his nipple being bitten and sucked. Himchan focuses on the firm nub again, circling his tongue around it before blowing hot breath on it and then sucks violently as he squeezes and fondles Yongguk’s sac, first one side and then the other. Low growling moans slip out of Yongguk’s throat and his grip on the nape of Himchan’s neck tightens.

 

“It’s really red and swollen,” Himchan speaks against Yongguk’s skin and scrapes his teeth over the thick scar down the middle of his chest before lifting up his head. Yongguk looks down at him through half-lidded eyes, sucking in deep breaths through his mouth. Himchan gives him a small grin, just a twist of his lips to the left and then puts his mouth to the other nipple and proceeds to lavish it with kisses and licks and fierce pulls with his lips. When his hand moves from Yongguk’s sac to his cock, his shaft is rock hard and curving up to his stomach even without Himchan paying attention to it.

 

Himchan is so aroused that he thinks he might come without Yongguk touching him, either.

 

“Do you want to go in today?” Himchan asks when he lifts his mouth away from Yongguk’s chest again. “It might be too tight, we haven’t tried that in long.”

 

“I’ll loosen you,” Yongguk’s voice is rough with desire and it sends shivers down Himchan’s spine, makes his hair stand on end.

 

Himchan shifts on his side and hunts the drawers for the nearly empty bottle of lube. Yongguk gives it a little shake and comments that it should be enough.

 

“Don’t you dare go in if it isn’t,” Himchan warns him as Yongguk pulls apart his buttcheeks. He can feel Yongguk’s bare cock against the inside of a thigh, eager and thick and soft in contrast to the rough nest of his pubic hair.

 

Yongguk brushes a finger up and down the valley between Himchan’s thick butt. “Relax. It will be harder if you are so tense,” he says and presses a thumb to his opening and massages it in circles.

 

Himchan takes deep breaths as he tries to calm his racing heart. It has been long but not long enough for him to forget how good it starts feeling after the pain and sense of intrusion has died down. He tries to relax his muscles to Yongguk’s coaxing finger and pulls a knee to his chest as he breathes noisily through his mouth. Yongguk’s finger is wet with lube as he pushes it inside his ass and Himchan tries to pull his butt away from underneath his hands but Yongguk’s strong grip on his hip restrains him. “Relax, Himchan,” Yongguk’s voice is startlingly close to his shoulder. “I won’t hurt you – you know that, right?”

 

Himchan turns his head away and buries it in the pillow. Yongguk works in a second finger and Himchan’s walls spasm around it a few times before letting him in deep enough to explore up till his prostate. Yongguk takes his time and finds his spot, and by the time he is easing in a third digit, Himchan is clawing at the bed sheets and telling him that it is enough, he will be able to take Yongguk’s cock.

 

“Tell me if I need to stop,” Yongguk speaks slowly, his voice strained with the effort of holding himself back.

 

“Stop playing with me,” Himchan rasps out and thrusts his ass back towards Yongguk’s cock now snug against one of his butt cheeks. “I swear to God if you don’t go in already…” His words die down as Yongguk finally rolls on a rubber and his wide head pushes against the circle of his sphincters. Yongguk moves in slowly, bit by bit, but keeps a strong grip on Himchan’s hips, not letting him move away when it gets too much for him.

 

“Stop,” Himchan cries out as Yongguk is half way inside. “Get out, stop!”

 

Yongguk pulls back Himchan’s hips and thrusts in the rest of the way. “Do you really want that now?” he says gruffly as he rolls his hips, his cock pressing over Himchan’s walls and making him feel unbearably full. His cock is painfully engorged and Himchan wants to reach down and jerk himself off but all his senses have zeroed in on his ass and he can barely breathe anymore.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” he pants out after a few moments of feeling Yongguk’s cock move around inside his ass. “Move, move more.” If his words no longer make sense, then Himchan doesn’t know. He is far too gone with just this much. Yongguk laughs at him breathlessly but Himchan doesn’t even give a damn about it either. He just wants him to start moving already.

 

Yongguk complies and starts fucking Himchan’s ass in slow measured strokes. Slowly, he lets go of Himchan’s hips, leaving behind thick lines of bruises Himchan will be feeling for days. Himchan’s hips buck to and fro into his rhythm of their own accord and once Himchan isn’t clenching him tight anymore, Yongguk fucks him harder and harder, making his whole body rock under the force of his thrusts. Himchan grabs the pillow and rolls his face in it as Yongguk pounds into his ass, strangled cries filling the room when Yongguk goes in mercilessly hard, pulling up his hips so that he can drive in deeper into his ass. When Himchan can no longer tell which way is up and where he is and what’s what anymore, Yongguk reaches to the front and gives his quivering cock a few hard tugs. Himchan comes with an animal groan, spilling his jizz over Yongguk’s hand and the bed, pushing back his ass to Yongguk’s hips again and again, wanting the other to join him in his bliss. Yongguk kisses his spine and holds his butt, fucks him hard a few more times before staying still deep inside him as he finally comes.

 

Himchan doesn’t bother about cleaning, doesn’t think much of anything as he collapses to the bed and drifts off to sleep. When he wakes up the next morning, Yongguk is still there. Himchan doesn’t know if Yongguk’s classes start late on Wednesday morning or if he is skipping something.

 

He is waiting for Himchan to wake up, sitting on a chair in his unzipped jeans.

 

“I got you something,” he says when Himchan returns to the bedroom after brushing his teeth. He fumbles inside his bag and is awkward as he takes out a small box from it. “It’s not much of a birthday gift but since I broke the other clock...” Yongguk trails off. Himchan wordlessly takes the cardboard box and opens it to find a digital clock, almost identical to the one he had before. This one has the snooze button on top unlike his old one which had it on the side.

 

“It is your birthday, right?” Yongguk asks after a long pause while Himchan fits the batteries and sets the time and date.

 

Himchan glances up at Yongguk and nods once. “Yeah, it is my birthday today,” he replies and puts the clock down on the bedside table. “Still need to go to work.”

 

Yongguk smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He pulls on his shirt and tucks it inside his pants.

 

“And I need to go to my classes,” he says as he picks up his bag. “I’ll see you later.”

 

Himchan glances towards him and nods but stays in the bedroom as Yongguk leaves.

 

Himchan has only been to Yongguk’s university once before. It was merely out of curiosity and Himchan had had nothing better to do on his odd days off. He usually works over the weekend and gets a day off on Monday or on some other weekday. On one such Monday, he had accompanied Yongguk to the university and Yongguk had given him a tour of the place. It was big but Himchan had found it easy to navigate his way around it.

 

When Yongguk’s classes end for the day, he finds Himchan outside his department building, sitting on one of the benches and sipping iced tea. Wednesday’s is one of Yongguk’s busier schedules; he doesn’t get off till eight in the evening. Himchan has been waiting here for over three hours because he did not know when Yongguk finished with his day. However, he makes no mention of it when he sees Yongguk. Instead, he tosses his empty can in the dustbin and stands up, waiting for him. Yongguk bids his friends goodbye and walks towards Himchan.

 

“You have to know,” says Himchan, without any preliminaries, “that I didn’t sign up for... _this_.”

 

Yongguk’s expression is guarded as he looks at him. “Hey, Himchan,” he says, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

“You’re not listening,” replies Himchan, unwilling to be distracted from his purpose. “This isn’t how it is supposed to be – you and me. I can’t do this if you have some sort of expectations from it. I thought you understood that.”

 

Himchan met Yongguk at one of his old part time jobs when he was working as a waiter in an old Korean restaurant. Yongguk was a regular customer there. In an old place like that, most of the patrons were regular anyway but Yongguk was the only guy who was below thirty years of age. Himchan would sit around chatting with him sometimes. When the restaurant shut down after the owner’s death, Yongguk came over to Himchan’s place for the first time and they spent the night together, too.

 

They didn’t talk much about what they had but Himchan had dropped hints about how he wasn’t one for commitment and whatever they had, it was just a casual thing. Yongguk had never commented upon it but then Yongguk didn’t have much to say if it wasn’t about football or politics, anyway. That was fine with Himchan. He just assumed that it meant Yongguk didn’t want to commit much to whatever they had, either.

 

“Do you want to go sit down somewhere and talk about this?” Yongguk deflects again.

 

Himchan shrugs and glances around the campus. “There is not much to discuss,” he says. “That’s the point. Let’s walk to the bus stop.”

 

They walk side by side, keeping a bit of distance between them like they always do. They don’t want to broadcast the fact that they are sleeping together to the world because it means nothing more than what it is to them behind closed doors – just a way to get off, take care of complete natural urges. At least that is what it has been to Himchan. And if it has been something more to Yongguk, then he wants to know about it right now, when he can still nip things in the bud.

 

Yongguk doesn’t insult him by asking what prompted this sudden discussion. Instead he says, “I don’t have any extraordinary expectations, Himchan. You don’t need to worry about it.” His voice is quiet and he sounds as patient as he always does.

 

Himchan exhales slowly, relieved. “That’s good, because I can’t go all the way with things like these,” he replies. And that’s the truth of it. The fact that Himchan has already gone all the way with it once before goes unsaid. He has never explicitly stated this but it has stayed unsaid between them ever since they started sleeping together. It slipped into the way Himchan would stop Yongguk from doing a certain thing because he had learnt he did not like it and how he would not let them kiss or touch if they weren’t about to have sex. Himchan has been down that particular road where he had it all – the sex and the intimacy when they weren’t having sex. He never explains why he doesn’t want it anymore but he doesn’t and that’s what is important, especially where Yongguk is concerned.

 

“You don’t need to go all the way,” Yongguk says mildly, and glances towards him. “Howsoever far you want to go is fine with me.”

 

Himchan feels an irritated prickle at the back of his neck. Between holding down two part time jobs and practicing photography in whatever time he gets in between, he doesn’t have much leisure to engage in multiple affairs. He barely has time for Yongguk all week. His boss had chewed his ear off when he had asked for a half day’s leave today. He hasn’t been meeting up anyone else except Yongguk for a long time now and in his opinion, this is going pretty far already.

 

Yongguk’s reasonableness is something that he should have welcomed but it only irritates him. It is irrational, though, and Himchan knows it so he bites down those feelings and thrusts his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

 

“Alright then, as long as we’re clear about it,” Himchan says, bringing the uncomfortable talk to a close. They have almost reached the bus stop as well. They will be taking the same bus till the stop near Himchan’s apartment. Himchan doesn’t know where Yongguk’s home is but he knows it is within walking distance of his place.

 

When they get off the bus, Yongguk walks with him to his place. Himchan is uneasily aware of how it kindles the arousal in him, as if by reflex. But Yongguk doesn’t offer to come upstairs. He stops at the gate and smiles at Himchan.

 

“Happy birthday then,” he says again and after Himchan mumbles his thanks, he bids him a good night.

 

Himchan hasn’t felt so sexually frustrated in a long time. He watches Yongguk walk down the street, an itch in the pit of his stomach that crawls down all the way to the space behind his balls. His ass is still somewhat sore from the activities of the previous night. Himchan undresses once he is back in his bedroom and takes a shower. He slips his fingers over his groin as he soaps himself up and rubs his cock and balls till he is painfully hard. He stands under the water as he jerks himself off, slipping another soapy finger into his ass from behind as he leans against the shower wall. It is cramped and very humid but Himchan digs the finger inside him, achingly inadequate, and strokes and pumps and rubs his member till he ejaculates.

 

When he gets into the bed, he is glaringly aware of how his hands are nowhere enough. He can pump the semen out of his cock and balls but the rest of his body is left feeling bereft and needier still. He can’t even feel a real orgasm on his own any longer.

 

 _It’s just because the sex is really good_ , Himchan tells himself as he finally drops off into a restless sleep. He hadn’t had any good sex after his relationship went to the dogs – until Yongguk came along. This is probably why he has stuck with Yongguk for so long. _Because the sex is really good, and there’s nothing more to it._

 

That’s how Himchan wants it, he’s sure of it.

 

The following Monday, Yongguk is still asleep when Himchan wakes up, his lower body throbbing because of how hard they went at it. The new digital clock reads twenty three past five and okay, Himchan thinks, I am awake way too early. When he returns from the bathroom, walking gingerly, Yongguk stirs and asks him what he is doing at this hour. Himchan starts dressing and tells him he cannot sleep anymore.

 

Yongguk gets out of the bed as well, his sleep completely disrupted now. After he showers, he asks if he can have something to eat before he leaves. They haven’t had a morning after like this before and Himchan feels a little on the edge for no reason except that this isn’t routine.

 

“Be my guest,” he says, unwilling to move from the soft comfort of his bed. He has to be on his feet for the rest of the day so he is going to rest as his ass while he can.

 

Later, when he cannot sit around pampering his butt any longer, Himchan picks up his backpack and heads out. When he goes to get his keys from the kitchen table, he finds that Yongguk has cooked extra pancakes and left a few for him. They are cold and a little too soggy with the honey but still taste pretty damn good.

 

And that is how it starts.

 

Sometimes, Yongguk leaves behind a portion of the breakfast he has cooked for himself. Sometimes, he wants to wash his clothes and does some of Himchan’s laundry for him as well. Himchan doesn’t always sleep in late now and sometimes, when Yongguk is waiting for Himchan to get out of the shower, he goes around the house, cleaning up some mess and organising some other clutter. He isn’t going out of his way but he is leaving behind a subtle mark of his presence.

 

It irks Himchan at first but that is just because it isn’t routine. By the time the temperatures have cooled down to a pleasant seventeen degrees again, Himchan is used to having more of Yongguk around the house even after he has left on Monday mornings. They still only meet on Sunday evening, walk to the bridge, eat if they haven’t already and then come back to Himchan’s place for a fuck. If Yongguk notices that the hallway bulb needs to be changed and brings one along the next time, Himchan doesn’t comment on it. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of small things. He doesn’t want to be the type of guy who is too antsy for common civility. He doesn’t want to read too much into nothing. After all, they have already had a _talk_ about this. There is nothing Himchan needs to worry about anymore. Moreover, he is getting used to these little things Yongguk does. He doesn’t even notice them especially after a while.

 

If Yongguk ever asks Himchan why they cannot have anything more, Himchan has his story ready. He wasn’t born this way. Once upon a time, he had it all. There was a guy he knew who was from his hometown as well. It is hard to connect with people in Seoul for small town guys like them so they had found solace in each other. When it grew, it made Himchan really happy and since Himchan is the sort of guy who goes all out, he did the same for his first relationship as well. He went out on a limb because he didn’t want to lose it because of any shortcomings on his part. At that time, Himchan thought it was the worst to have a relationship fail because he couldn’t give it his all, couldn’t do his best – more than his best. Himchan had discovered that he was capable of tolerating and enduring a lot more than he could have imagined. He had thought that if he just did his very best, then it would last forever.

 

Then he realised that things just didn’t work that way. You didn’t get to keep something forever just because you’d given it your best. In fact, it didn’t matter what you did, if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be.

 

In the beginning, of course, Himchan didn’t think that Yongguk warranted such an explanation. However, he had grown softer with time and on lazy nights when he lay on his bed by himself, he thought over and over of how he would explain it to Yongguk just in case if he ever asked – Himchan wanted to be ready with an answer.

 

But Yongguk didn’t ask him. That was how it was supposed to be. Yongguk was comfortable because he didn’t ask such questions. It was a good thing. Himchan had gotten really jittery on his birthday when he had thought Yongguk wanted something more, that Yongguk would start questioning and setting rules. However, now it was many months afterwards but things had stayed the same between them.

 

It was just Himchan who had these mental explanations and conversations when he was by himself.

 

When they met, every Sunday evening was largely like the one before, unless Yongguk couldn’t come because he was going away for some holiday with his family. Himchan missed having him around on those days but it was nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Himchan always makes sure that things stay within the limits of the normal and the ordinary.

 

So when, one day, they are walking to the bridge, he doesn’t know why he ends up asking which way Yongguk’s place is. Yongguk gives him a look of frank surprise before nodding to the other of the bridge. “On the other side,” he says and names a neighbourhood not far away.

 

“So you cross this again when you’re heading back in the morning?” asks Himchan.

 

“No,” admits Yongguk. “I go straight to the university. That is why I bring my backpack to your place and drop it off first before we go out for the walk.”

 

When they reach their spot on the bridge and stand around quietly for a while, Himchan is the one to break the silence again. “We can go over to your place today,” he says. He hasn’t thought about this at all. The words just flow out of him for no reason. “It doesn’t sound like it is too far.”

 

“It is closer to the bridge than your apartment,” Yongguk agrees. If he is taken aback by the suggestion, then he doesn’t show it at all. Yongguk is good at keeping a lid over his emotions. It is as well. Himchan is flustered enough by his own ideas; he doesn’t want to have to deal with Yongguk being confused as well.

 

Yongguk’s home is as different from Himchan’s tiny apartment as it gets. It is a proper duplex house with a driveway and a garage and his mother is watching TV in the living room when they get there. Himchan knew that Yongguk was living with his family till he finished his Master’s degree and recovered completely from his heart surgery. Yongguk’s mother is a small, friendly lady but she still intimidates Himchan as he wonders if she knows that Yongguk sleeps over at his place every Sunday night – and why. Of course, they are two consenting adults who shouldn’t have to worry about anyone else’s opinion but damn it, she’s Yongguk’s mom.

 

“We’re going to hang out here today,” Yongguk tells her over dinner.

 

“Of course,” Yongguk’s mom smiles pleasantly, and Himchan is sure that she has no idea that hang out is Yongguk’s polite euphemism for what they do. “I’ll be sure to keep the volume down so I don’t disturb you boys and your studies.”

 

At twenty six, they aren’t really ‘boys’ anymore. It has been over ten years since Himchan touched a textbook but Himchan can guess what story Yongguk has been telling his obviously conservative mom. It doesn’t bother him, though. He would have done pretty much the same if it was his family, after all.

 

“She’s nice,” Himchan says when they go up to his room. Yongguk’s bedroom is huge, almost as big as his whole apartment – well, at least two thirds as big. He has a TV of his own and it is decorated like something out of a lifestyle magazine. Himchan is secretly grateful that they made it a habit to meet at his place rather than here.

 

“She’s alright,” Yongguk replies as he sits down on the pristine bed with black silk sheets. There is no way Yongguk keeps his room like this. He is less messy than Himchan but he still tosses around his clothes carelessly. This has to be the handiwork of a maid. Himchan perches on a white chair at a desk near the bed. The desk is messy with books and notes and stationery and Himchan feels surer of his opinion. “What are you doing there?” asks Yongguk with a light laugh and holds out his hand for Himchan. “Come here.”

 

Himchan breathes out and gives him a wry smile as he gets up and takes his hand. Yongguk pulls him down to the bed and runs a hand down his back, kneading his butt through the jeans as they lie on their sides. “Don’t worry, I locked the door behind us,” he says as Himchan glances towards it apprehensively. “If we keep it down, it will be okay.”

 

Himchan slips his hand under Yongguk’s t-shirt, stroking his stomach before sliding his hand up further towards his scarred chest and then brushes his hands over his nipples. “I still don’t feel like taking my clothes off,” he murmurs as Yongguk loosens his jeans and strokes him through his briefs.

 

“You never have to do anything you don’t want to,” Yongguk tells him, eyes flickering down to his lips. “I thought we already established that long back.”

 

Himchan knows he is thinking of the time they had their little talk when Himchan had shown up at Yongguk’s university unannounced.

 

“Okay,” Himchan pants out, cock hardening as Yongguk keeps stroking him through the cotton of his underwear. “Okay then.”

 

He pulls and pinches Yongguk’s nipples as he thrusts his cock into his hand. Yongguk digs his fingers behind his balls and Himchan shuts his eyes, sucks in heavy breaths. He can hear the faint sounds of the TV from downstairs and wishes that the lights were out in Yongguk’s room. He shuts his eyes tighter at the thought and buries his face in Yongguk’s neck, kissing and licking at his musky cologne scented skin as he pushes down his own hand into Yongguk’s pants.

 

They swallow back their moans, trying not to let louder sounds slip past their panting lips as they jerk each other off. Yongguk’s cock is hot and heavy in his hand as he pumps it and Himchan rubs his thumb over the leaking tip, the scent of their sex thick in the air.

 

“I really want to come down your throat,” Yongguk whispers huskily against Himchan’s hair. “Let me finish you off, then use your mouth, okay?”

 

Himchan groans and bites Yongguk’s shoulder through his shirt. He is so, so close. He gives Yongguk’s shaft one last squeeze before moving his hand to hold his hip as he thrusts into the circle of Yongguk’s hand. It doesn’t take him long to take his climax afterwards and Yongguk pulls his head away from his shoulder and kisses his lips hard. “Please,” he begs then, “please, Himchan.”

 

Himchan gives his plump lips a reassuring lick before shifting down so that he can put his mouth closer to Yongguk’s groin. Yongguk shifts down his pants and underwear to his thighs and Himchan doesn’t bother teasing him, he knows Yongguk is straining hard under all that control. He weighs his sac in one hand as he guides his cock into his mouth with the other. Yongguk strokes his scalp, encouraging, and Himchan takes more and more of him inside his mouth, licking and sucking and caressing him with his tongue. When he starts to let Yongguk move down to his throat, Yongguk reaches his breaking point and gives out a long rumbling growl as he releases all his cum down Himchan’s throat. Himchan draws back, breathing erratically and spluttering before licking his lips and swallowing a little bit of it. He wipes his mouth on his sleeve and Yongguk hands him some tissues before falling back on the bed, spent.

 

Himchan stares up at the designer ceiling, following the spiral patterns and the grooves with tiny lights. He feels unsure of himself, like he is not completely inside his body. He wants Yongguk to turn off the lights and go for a second round because at least the sex takes his mind off this strange sense of unreality that has gripped him since he set foot in his house.

 

“Alright there?” Yongguk asks, placing a hand on Himchan’s stomach.

 

Himchan turns his head and his eyes rake over Yongguk’s face – thoughtful heavy lidded eyes, clean-shaven cheeks, and really obscene lips. He gives a tiny nod and leans closer to kiss Yongguk – just a soft brush of his lips against Yongguk’s. “It’s alright if we stay at my place only.”

 

Yongguk flicks out his tongue to run it along the edge of his lips. “Is it that bad?” he asks.

 

The colour rises on Himchan’s cheeks and he looks away again, stares up at the pretty ceiling – he didn’t even think that ceilings could be pretty before. “I’m doing my part,” he says, his voice coming out a little higher than it should. “I told you I cannot go all the way anymore. All these things we keep doing... I won’t allow them for anyone else but you. I’m already halfway doing that – that’s as far as I go, alright?” He sounds peevish, petulant like a child. He isn’t as convinced about holding back anymore. It scares him because holding back is the only way he knows how to keep himself from failing now.

 

But Yongguk only laughs at him, low happy chuckles as he slides closer to Himchan and wraps his arm around his waist. “That’s alright,” he replies, puts his head on Himchan’s shoulder and kisses his warm neck. “Halfway is just perfect – I’ll meet you halfway.” He takes Himchan’s hand in his own and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “After she goes to sleep, should we go back to your apartment?”

 

Himchan relaxes against Yongguk’s body despite himself. He thinks about how he is slipping into the old habits again but every bit of him is revolting against the inhibitions he had placed on himself. He turns and hugs Yongguk, throwing a leg over his thigh. “Yeah,” he says, letting Yongguk hold him close and drop an occasional kiss on his hair or face, “yeah, let’s do that.”

 

Himchan can feel Yongguk smile against his skin and feels funny inside. It has nothing to do with the way their damp cocks brush against each other through their open jeans. He isn’t hungry or hot or cold. He doesn’t even need a smoke, cannot remember the last time he smoked. If he fails again, he thinks, it won’t all be his fault because Yongguk is supposed to be doing his own thing as well.

 

And that’s strangely comforting.

 

He’s ready to fail again.

 

**_Finis_ **

**Author's Note:**

> here's to kim himchan's birthday!


End file.
